Friday, May 28, 2010
no news leaves me with sad news
too much time to think today, due to the fact that we are still at children's mercy, has me feeling sad tonight. owen seems to be a little better today he has good and bad moments. still not sure what is causing this. i saw the doctors this morning and haven't seen them since :-/ nick went to work today and julie (nick's mom) took care of the other two last night and today. we had plans to go to the lake with nick's family this memorial weekend so nick went ahead with liv and Noah to try to keep normal in their life. it is such a hard decision of what's the right thing to do for the rest of the family in times like this. nick wants to be here as much as i do but i can't leave here without owen so i kinda leave him no choice :-( and he's not complaining about it, he gladly steps up to the rule of solely handling the other two, he just tells me he feels guilty leaving us here. tonight i'm feeling so sad and guilty for not being with liv and noah. i realized today that thursday morning i sent livi to school telling her i'd be there when she got off the bus and get her ready for her dress rehearsal at dance. while i'm so grateful that julie can help us in a pinch and i know she tries her best, i heard it she didn't do it right and livi got all upset. it breaks my heart and makes me feel as if me failing with her is the sacrifice i have to make for owen??? what am i to do??? and my sweet baby noah, thats all i can say... :-( and on top of all this, with memorial day approaching, i miss my dad so much. he would be bringing my mom here and sitting with me in nick's absence so that nick wouldn't be feeling so guilty for not being here. we are truly torn right now trying to balance right and wrong for our family. it has me really thinking that i don't know how i will do when time for the swap comes and both of these amazing men in my life are in hospital beds and i'm left to do all the balancing. :-( what will i do then???
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Oh Amber, this breaks my heart. Let me just tell you that EVERYONE thinks you are doing an AMAZING job. I think you handle all the ups and downs so well and have such a good spirit about you that makes everyone (including your children) feel at ease. I don't know how you do it, but you seem to do a truly amazing job. This has to be so hard on you on a daily basis but I have NEVER heard you complain. I don't know how you do it, and I can't imagine how hard it is going to be during the swap...but that is when you need to just rely on your friends. We are all here to help you. You just say the word and we will see that it gets done, I promise you that. I have no other advice except to just pray. God has a plan for all this, and although at times it is hard to see I know it is there. There have already been so many miracles that have happened and they are not going to stop anytime soon. So please don't lose faith. I miss your Dad too and you are so right. he would be up there driving everyone crazy (but of course in his gotta love him way) He is in all our hearts and maybe just sit for a few minutes and look for some signs from him and I bet one will show up. Maybe there will be a random flashlight laying around that no one claims...or whatever you guys had special between the 2 of you. you have to look for the signs because I know they are there. I love you and your family so much and please know I am just a phone call, email, text, or car ride away. Extra prayers for you and Owen and the rest of your family tonight. And...look on the bright side....you get to enjoy that yummy breakfast in the morning! Love you!
ReplyDeleteWell said Rylina! Roger that! Am, you are more than amazing, own it!
ReplyDeleteOkay mama! Nat had the PERFECT words of advice...YOU ARE MORE THAN AMAZING...OWN IT! Personally, I am in complete AWE of you AND Nick. Through all the ups & downs, you have both remained positive and strong. What better example than that for all three of your beautiful children? You are teaching each of them (albeit a bit early) that we all have tough choices to make, but it is the way we handle what comes our way that speaks volumes of our true character. I am telling you, my sweet Amber, that you are one ROCKSTAR MOM! That being said, it is equally as important to remember that through the unimaginable obstacles that you have already endured and the uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring, you are NEVER alone. There are so many of us that LOVE LOVE LOVE you and your family. We WANT to help so just say the word and we are there! And just for the record,the 'mom guilt' thing comes with having 1 or more children, working or not working, betty crocker or not. Basically, if you are any kind of women worthy of being called mom, you will have MOM GUILT! Do NOT let it fool you into thinking you are less than you are! Just a reminder, you are more than AMAZING...OWN IT! Lots of Love!
ReplyDeleteI don't know about Roger(?) But I agree, you are amazing. All my love and prayers for Owen and the people who love him.
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