october 25......21 days and counting

i've been pretty emotional since my post last night. shortly after finishing my last post liv came down stairs to sit with me because she couldn't sleep and i some how got into a conversation with her that i wasn't mentally ready to get into and she wasn't emotionally ready to hear. it started with halloween and me letting her know that owen might miss the real halloween and if so we were are going to have a fake halloween. this lead to talking about the swap which i wasn't prepared for how little she really knew (which is only my fault because i guess we hadn't really talked to her about). i heard questioned like this....why can't daddy take me and noah trick or treating? they are going to take something out of my daddy and put it in owen? whats a kidney? how will daddy be able to go pee-pee? can we bring owen halloween treats to the hospital? why is owen so sick? how long will you be gone?......i gave her answers like this.....daddy is having surgery too/daddy has 2 big strong kidneys and owen needs one because his are sick/kidneys help you go pee-pee/aunt nat nat will take you trick or treating/after this owen won't be sick and on as many meds and will grow big and strong like daddy/you can come see us anytime you want. all this brought me to 11:45pm with a sobbing 6 year old on a school night....:-( i just kept reassuring her that mommy and daddy were so happy that this was going to be happening for owen and not to cry anymore because there were no worries. as soon as i woke her up this morning she said to me "i'm so happy owen is going to get daddy's kidney" :-)


then around 3pm today i finally got the phone from the transplant coordinator telling me the swap has been scheduled for october 25. nick and owen will be admitted the evening before (sunday the 24th) to be detoxed and prepped. i've been pretty emotional since that phone call. you'd think that i would be okay since we've been preparing yourselves for this for over a year but actually having to say that on october 25th owen will have a kidney transplant with my husband has the donor is absolutely terrifying. i called nick right away. then tried to call my mom but as soon as i looked at my phone all i saw was #4...which was my dad's #...and lost it. i pulled myself together long enough to call my mom, then natalie but that was all i had in me (sorry cheslea). so i'm telling myself that tomorrow is a new day, no more crying, time to start REALLY preparing......after all tomorrow will be 20 days and counting.