home!!!!

owen's shirt he wore home says "my dad is #1"...owen is still tired of me taking pictures and will only agree to do them if he can close his eyes
we are home!!!!! we got home wednesday around 7pm. i have such mixed feelings about it :-( for those that don't know me that well, let me tell you that i don't like change in my daily routine. actually i HATE it. don't get me wrong, i'm happy to not be in the hospital and to be with liv & noah too. but in no way was i prepared for all the "medical maintenance" owen would require nor did i realize how little help nick would have to be. we have been home a little over 24hrs and i'm completely spent emotionally, physically and mentally....mostly emotionally. i feel more over whelmed then when we brought owen home from the hospital the first time 5 years ago. i didn't think that was possible. i don't know what i thought it was going to like after the swap. maybe i had so much fear of him making it thru the swap that i didn't put much focus on after or it's that we weren't suppose to be home yet....they told us 3-5weeks. we were out in 1 1/2!!!! so i think i just realized owen is Amazing (i already knew that part) he healed in half the time they thought he would, i on the other hand...not so much...i needed that extra time. whatever it is, it's going to take everything in me to get thru this. pre-swap my daily routine with owen went like this....enema, cath, meds, meds with meals, cath and meds/shots before bed and doctors appointments and labs monthly. i know there was more to it then that but it seemed easy and normal. now it's all crazy and new.....he has 13 meds (there was six before) they have to be taken twice a day twelve hours apart at the exact same time every day. for the next 2 months a home health care nurse will come to the house to get his labs, then i will have to take him to the hospital twice a week for the following 4 months. i have to cath him every 3 hours and he has to wear an overnight cath/bag every night. he also has to get at least 1500 mls of fluid daily, which before would have never been a problem for him but now i have to force every sip :-/ plus all the hand washing, germ spreading prevention and infection worries. we were already back at CMH this morning and will go back tomorrow for about 5 hours for him to get another mono fusion. we also have to go to nicks doctor tomorrow because he is having some type of allergic reaction, hives and blisters all over his belly, looks awful and painful......poor guy. he is really trying his hardest to help me but he still has some pain and isn't suppose to lift anything over 10lbs. it also doesn't help that today owen has had the worst diarrhea ever that has had me changing his diaper every 5 minutes or him sitting on his potty seat hours at a time and caused the worst diaper rash.....my poor little man :-( they are going to be looking more into that tomorrow. we have a new post transplant coordinator who checks in with us daily. i know that all of this will eventually become my daily routine and someday maybe i will say it's easy.
the pharmacy in my kitchen
moments like these make all the crazy ones a little bit easier......finally with all my babies, i missed noah and livi so much
owen (eyes still closed) tonite with his overnight cath/bag attached to his leg. he was so sad about having to wear it.....he cried, then i cried :-(

my plan for this weekend is to relax, refocus, re-charge, re-organize, and re-work my routine. wish me luck!!!